I am full of emotions right now. I can't explain, I can't describe but all I know is that I feel the PAIN. The pain in my stomach, the pain in my throat and the pain in my eyes. I feel bad, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way and I can't help it. This is just me, I am just with MYSELF today. The feelings I've had before now came back. I thought I finally blocked it on my system, I tried to ignore it these years however anxiety attacks me again. I am so emotional, I was crying a lot, especially this week. I can't help myself to be like this. I'm just a cry baby.
There are a lot of things that had happened to me this month. I can't say it all. I can't find the words to say it all. I am just thankful that I've found this person who is willing to listen to all my troubles. I can share to him all my worries and sentiments. However, I'm not the person I used to be back then. I've changed a lot and I don't like it. That's why now I have to find myself again. I have to bring back the person I used to be. The prayerful and fearful one. I felt guilty cause I failed HIM and I can't help but get so emotional every-time I think of it. I'M SORRY. I am not the same person I used to be, I don't talk to you every night, I don't pray everyday which I used to do back then. I AM SORRY, for hurting you, for hurting my parents and for hurting the love of my life. I thought I was strong enough to face the challenges but I was wrong, I am not strong, I'm just pretending to be strong. I am weak, super weak but I'm not giving up cause there's one person who believes in me, YOU believe in me and this special person believes in me. I can't thank you enough for giving me this person, I am super blessed. You never let me face these troubles alone, you know that I needed this person so much more than anyone. THANK YOU T^T.